30 Pound Club

I often worry Elle will be my "scarred" child.  She is the first born to a momma who didn't get an overly abundance of motherly intuition when baby entered the world.  As a result, I fear I am always over.reacting or under.reacting, and seldom appropriately.reacting.

When Elle was a baby she didn't keep much food down.  She threw up an awful lot.  Now that I've had another baby that ate well, I have gleaned a better idea of how bad her throwing up was.  When she was born she was a healthy size: 50% in weight and 75% in height.  

Well, month by month as we went for our check-ups this gradually fell until at 18 months we were at the bottom of the charts.  At 2 years, she grew nada and put on no weight.  Elle was then at 0% for both.  Awesome right?!

Last year, Elle was being made fun of at her little MDO class for being so small... "like a baby."  A little girl wouldn't play with her, and while I'm sure the little girl didn't intend to hurt my Elle, it did.  For months all I heard was how Elle wanted this girl to play with her, the words that she said, etc.  

Disclaimer:  my child is no saint.  I do not judge and realize kids are just kids.  They are learning what is okay and not okay to say.  They have remarkable candor and are just now learning that while sticks and stones may break bones, words do indeed hurt.  Elle has said her fair share of nasty and certainly not above saying unkind things.  We have however used this situation as a grounds for trying to teach her the power of words as well as how it can hurt to not have friends.  We have encouraged her to always seek out those sitting by themselves and try to be a sweet friend to them.  

The poor child, which I now deem scarred for other reasons that my stellar motherliness has been poked and prodded more than most people have been in decades.  Elle has a phobia like you wouldn't believe of needles.  She has been at times quite literally like a wild animal when she sees a needle.  At Children's Hospital I asked how bad her anxiety was on a scale of 1-10.  I figure they see children all day every day... surely Elle is not the worst right?  HA!  They said she was a 10 and it was in her charts to have all further procedures done downtown where they are better equipped to handle her and put her always under general anesthesia.

You can pray she outgrows this.

She started have blood work drawn at 18 months, and since then vials upon vials have been taken, we've had bone scans, stem tests, and an MRI.  Results: idiopathic growth hormone deficiency.  What does this mean?  Elle's pituitary doesn't work all that well and produces (hurray that it produces anything) "barely traceable" amounts of growth hormone.   Treatment: Elle takes growth hormone shots every night, 6 nights a week, until she goes through puberty. 

This was a 4 hour test Elle had to do where they manipulated her pituitary to see how much growth hormone it was capable of producing.  

This was also the day after we lost our Lucy.  This was a hard day.

After a MRI to make sure there was no tumor on her pituitary.

I have a file over an inch thick that includes documentation of all phone conversations I've had over the years with doctors, insurance, special pharmacies, etc. 

Well, we started treatments on Christmas night last year (2013) and Elle is now growing at twice the average growth rate for a child her age!!!  She very regularly will put her hands and feet in our faces and say with great enthusiasm "look how much I growed!"

Just last week Elle finally joined the 30 pound club!!!  This was taken in September 2014.  She is just a month shy of being 5.

We are so proud of her!  Due to Elle's aforementioned phobia of needles, we give administer her shots while she is asleep.  She sometimes wakes up, sometimes yells, sometimes thrashes about.  We've had plenty a bent needles and bruises.  For the most part though, she sleeps right through the shot, wakes up and we talk about her bravery.  

I am so thankful for modern medicine and our growing little girl who is about to be 5!!!

Here is my girl in her first big girl dress and big girl shoes!!!

Hungry Flower

Disclaimer:  The following blogposts are a montage of all that has occurred this past year in the Shaw household that I have meant to document but haven't gotten around to it.  After we lost Lucy I just kind of... well, I just didn't want to.  We have also had numerous issues with our computer and I just kind of forgot about it all.  These posts will most likely be out of order but I want to remember them nonetheless. 

Sometime last winter Jay surprised me with some flowers and he brought Elle a rose.

Elle was beaming!  

I'm fairly confident most children experience the same love language of sorts when they are 4... GIFTS.  

All gifts equal love and happiness.  At least that's the rule of thumb with my 4 year old.

Let me tell you... a rose has never been so loved, admired and nourished... to quote her she said it was "the most bee.u.dee.fulls flowers evers and evers."

Jay and I were talking about how much Elle loved her bright pink rose and contemplated nicknaming it "my precious" when I looked over and Elle was shoving peanuts into her rose.  

We asked her what she was doing and without skipping a beat

Elle said "I'm feeding my flowers because it's sooo hungry."

ps. she pluralizes everythings.

Intoductions

We would like to introduce the newest addition to the Shaw family.

Princess

Rainbow

Butterfly

aka "Rainey"

Jay wanted to name her Maui, I wanted to name her something that didn't sound like Maui, Hawaii, or any other city/state/island.  We did what most mature adults do and flipped a coin.  Jay won, so we were sticking with Maui.  That is until we introduced fluff buckets to Elle.  Elle had a meltdown.  How could we call her Rainbow Butterfly by any other name?!  (backstory:  Elle has had this puppy named PRB for months...)  I rain with Elle's sobs and petitioned for Rainey.  At this point, we were just so excited to have her home with us that Jay didn't put up a fight.  

I mean... could she be any cuter?

ps. Rainey rode the whole way back from the Mobile area like this.  As we were pulling into my parents we bonded via her throw up all over me.  It was lovely in a smelly kind of way.  :)

Here is Rainey's first bath.  Sidenote:  she is half her size when wet.

I'm not all that tech savvy, so I hope this video works.

Phantom Limb

I have dreaded writing this post but know I will regret it if I don't.  

January 31, 2003 a momma golden named Lily gave birth to our beloved Lucy Love Shaw.  Since then she has become and integral part of my life.  

Lucy's habit was loving.  She loved life, she loved to experience, and she loved her people.

I did the math (because I am a product of Wolfie and a true nerd at heart) and figured I have run a minimum of 750 miles with Lu.belle, although this number more accurately is probably around 1250.  I have cuddled with her for probably 6 months and spent countless hours with this sweet pup.  

We lost sweet Lucy this past Wednesday.  

The best and most honest way to describe how I feel is to say I feel like I have phantom limb syndrome.  I keep having to remind myself that what has seemed like an extra appendage since I was 21 is now gone.  I know that with time all this will melt away and I will be left with the fond sweet memories of my Lucy.  

"In His hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind."

Job 12:10

 I know this post is choppy... I'll try to add some pics and buff it up later.

Shady Hug

There are some things in life that after 32 years you think you've got down.

For instance, I have been giving and receiving hugs now my whole life.  After 32 years of practice, I would confidently say I'm a darn good hugger.  

Let's define a "hug."

hug

verb

1. 1.

   squeeze (someone) tightly in one's arms, typically to express affection.

   "he hugged her close to him"

   synonyms:

   embrace, cuddle, squeeze, clasp, clutch, cradle, cling to, hold close,hold tight, take/fold someone in one's arms, clasp someone to one's bosom More

noun

1. 1.

   an act of holding someone tightly in one's arms, typically to express affection.

   "there were hugs and tears as they were reunited"

   synonyms:

   embrace, cuddle, squeeze, bear hug, clasp, hold, clinch

I have been recently informed that sometimes I do not give good hugs and that I cannot receive them at just any moment.  You see, it all depends on what color the hug is in the Shaw household.

Pink hugs are for anytime.  They are big, squeezy, and come with force.  They often linger and come with kisses.

Orange hugs are sticky and sometimes get lost in the bed.  With enough diligent searching, they can be rescued and given/received with care.

Blue hugs are not the favorite.  They are only given by being placed by the giver into the receivers open hands.

Yellow hugs are for outside only.  I mean... I should have guessed that.

Purple hugs are rare.

Black hugs are grumpy and never never given out.  They are forbidden and are usually accompanied by snarls and eye rolling.

I am mighty curious to discover what else I have been misguided on since infancy.

Four

Elle turned FOUR yesterday!

Yes, big girl may not have any weight on little girl (both weighing in at a mighty 24 pounds and both wearing 18 months) but she's got nearly 3 years on Caroline.  It is hard for me to believe that it is has been 1,460 days since we took this picture.

Thankfully, Elle entered the world with a little less drama than her little sister.  We discovered she was breech about a week before she was born.  We went to the hospital at 6:00 on October 13, 2009 so that my doctor could attempt a version (trying to turn baby from indian-style-feet-down to head-down-enter-the-world-ready).  In case you are curious what this process looks like, let me describe what it looked like for me:

First off you get a spinal block.  This is when a 9+ month pregnant woman is asked to curl into fetal position, which is impossible, so that a baseball bat sizable needle in injected in your spine giving meds which block most pain receptors collar bone down.  I vividly remember holding eye contact with Jay while they gave me the shot, and I saw all color drain from his face.  It wasn't my favorite, but I am thankful because without it I may have passed out from pain.  Why???  Well, pain is what follows when your 6 foot 2 doctor climbs on the table and kneads your stomach like cookie dough while his partner is standing on the floor bracing you from being pushed off the table.  The version was unsuccessful but I did get to keep several bruises on my ribs as temporary souvenirs.  Why wouldn't Elle turn you may wonder?  Well, that is simple.  Her umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck three times.  There is a technical term for it, but I'm not a very technical person so it doesn't surprise me that I can't remember what it is.  I can remember being so thankful that she didn't turn though because if she had turned and we had tried to deliver... well, that just wouldn't have been ideal.  

Elle entered this world via C-Section at 9:12 a.m. happy and healthy.

The first year was very hard for me, but that is another blog for another day.  Today's blog is all about this little thing.

I have a gazillion pics like this.  For child that had colic for 5 months she was pretty smiley.

Elle got her sense of humor from her daddy,

and a little crazy from me.  

(I've said this before, but neither of our children have much hope of being "normal," but we think normal is overrated anyway.)

Onto Birthday Festivites.

Elle wanted an "Arier" party this year because what 4 year old wouldn't want one?  

We painted treasure chests.

Fished for goodie bags.  (Wolfie was testing the rods out.)

Elle was celebrated and loved on by lots of family and friends.

They loved playing corn hole, albeit they didn't exactly adhere to standard rules.  

I learned something when icing Elle's cupcakes.  First, it's probably best to actually use icing bags.  Second, if you are going to be cheap and use a ziplock, at least don't use cheap fake ziplock bags.  The cheap on cheap result is your tip ripping multiple bags and smeared icing.  Thankfully the icing was pretty good and four year olds don't care much what icing looks like :)

We had lots of "Under the Sea" snacks such as:  goldfish, orea clams, rice cripy star fish, hot dog octopus, and ***swedish fish.  

When it came time to sing the traditional birthday song Elle went a tidge AWOL on us all.  Apparently she wanted to sing the song to herself by herself.  When she wound't calm down, Jay started everyone singing the song and when it was over he thought it was a good idea to get in a round of "for she's a jolly good fellow."  Apparently the verse about father's not exasperating their children was NOT on the forefront of his mind.  We all thought it was pretty funny because let's face it, that's my Elle.  Through and through that was an Elle moment.  All joy and happiness and rainbows and then, BAM, hurricane Elle enters the picture, wrecks a little havoc and then vanquishes into thin air and joy and happiness resumes.  

She sweetly shared her cupcake with Caroline.

We love our Juju (who just turned SIXTEEN!!!)

I love love LOVE this picture of Jay and his grandfather!

Elle and her Mimi.

Aren't my niece and nephew just precious little lamb faces?!

And while I would like to give the cutest couple award to my parents, Kaki and Wolfie...

How could it not go to Great-Grandma and Great-Grandpa :)

Happy Birthday my lovely daughter!  I continue to pray your verse:

"Whom have I in heaven but you?

And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail,

but God is the strength of my heart

and my portion forever."

Psalm 73:25-26

I pray you will one day not only understand this verse but claim it with your whole heart.

***Swedish fish are my new nemesis.  In this month alone I have eaten 5, FIVE, bags (and the big 1 lb bags) of them.  If I complain of teeth pain around you please tell me to buck up, throw the swedish fish away and gain some self-control.

Thirty

No, this entry is not about me turning 30, but thank you for thinking I am still rockin' the 20's. 

Today is Elle's first day of 3 year old Mother's Day Out, aka school.  In preparation we went shopping and Elle got some new "back to school" shoes.  We walked into the store and from 20 feet away Elle exclaimed "I want those!!!"  She was of course referring to these:

The pink sparkly ones!!  I told her to be fair to all the other shoes we really needed to look first.  Well, after a solid minute, I knew this was a lost battle and we welcomed our new pink sparkle.tastic Toms to the Shaw family.

Photo.bomber wasn't quite sure why she didn't get any, but thankfully is too young to really care.  We have referred to these shoes as our "back to school shoes" for weeks and Elle has shown them to e.v.e.r.y.o.n.e.

Switching gears (I will tie this all together I promise).

So this morning my alarm goes off to Israel Kamakawiwo'ole's Somewhere Over the Rainbow. 

FYI:  This is one of my all time favorite songs.  Please click on link if you have not added this to your library.  You can thank me later.

This super chill and happy song set the tone of our morning.  We ate breakfast, got dressed and braided hair all taking our time and getting pumped about Elle's first day of school.  We were rolling along Hakuna Matata style until I noticed all the keys were off the key hook.  I always put my keys on the hook because if I don't there is no telling where I have put them.  Over the years I have found them in the outside trash, the freezer, under my bed, etc.etc.etc.  Well, I look for 5 minutes and cover the obvious tracks. After 10 minutes I ask Elle is she knows where they are.  After 15 minutes I ask her to help.  After 20 minutes I beg for her to help and ask her if she is sure she hasn't seen them.  After THIRTY minutes, when I was planning on us being in the car, I decide to call it.  

THIRTY minutes.  Do you know how long 30 minutes is when you are looking for something that is essential to getting to wherever you need to be?  It is long enough to search every bag in the house, throw all cushions off a couch, unmake beds, go through toy containers, ransack your car, scour closets, shall I go on??

I walk into Elle's room and tell her I am so so SO sorry, but she is going to miss her first day of school because mommy can't find the keys.  She yells "NO!  I not missing school!!!  I know where the keys is!"  With that, she bolts out of her room, beelines it to the kitchen, opens a drawer, removes a book and promptly scoops up the keys and hands them to me.  

Both built frustration and relief were dueling it out for a response.  I took the keys and told her we would discuss the situation later.  I then realized she was still sans clothes.  We got dressed super fast, I grabbed her "back to school" sparkly shoes and handed them to her to put on in the car.  And we were off to school.

Here is the best pic I got outside the building.

Notice the lack of all things pink and sparkly.  I will refrain from sharing that story, but will say I am rereading James Dobson's The Strong Willed Child.

Happy first day of school my little Elle.

It has been 1 hour and 44 minutes since I dropped her off and I'm still cleaning my mess from searching for the blasted keys.  Dad suggested I move my hook to be about 8 feet high.  Not a bad idea.